Franceska Krence

I’m watching it happen in slow motion
in the way your laughter no longer reaches your eyes
the way your hands, once steady and safe
now drift like strangers around me in bed

silence speaking where words used to be
I fill it with questions you never seem to hear
your words used to be full of meaning, of us
your eyes used to search for me, but they don’t anymore

I feel as though I am fading away
like a part of background in your day to day
a song you’ve heard one too many times
a burden you no longer wish to have

I want to ask if you feel it too
but I can already tell
I can see it in the way you’re next to me
but not really there at all

I talk, but the space between us swallows my words
I reach for you, but it feels forced
I’m trying to save this with all I have
praying love like ours bends, not snaps in half

I saw the most broken parts of you
the parts you wished no one would ever touch
I took them all in, piece by piece
and helped you heal them, never leaving

even if you smashed glasses when you’d get upset
and raised your voice when overwhelmed
I’d sit by your side, with your head in my lap
calming you slowly as I ran my fingers over your back

I’d treat these parts the gentlest
like delicate glass that was too fragile to hold
I knew they needed nurturing, loving
I’d promised I’d love you even if you couldn’t

friends are worried, they see the weight in my eyes
like I am giving so much of me without getting any back
how can I find the strength to walk away
from the love of my life who doesn’t treat me that way

choose love
despite the ways in which it broke you

choose faith
despite the many times it was tested

choose forgiveness
despite the people that haven’t earned it

choose happiness despite the ways you were hurt in

and most importantly, choose yourself
regardless of the people that didn’t

for late night calls and silly memes
for drowning out my shattered dreams
for pizza nights and endless talks
for dragging me on healing walks

for blasting songs so I could scream
for waking me up from that dream
for saying, ‘you deserve better’
for reminding me that I mattered

for showing up when I felt small
for making sure I didn’t fall
for all the love you freely send
for all the support I was given

I’m whole again
thank you for being there, my friend